Well, This was not going to be a good day. When I got ready I was standing in my room and saw Aloizs walking in the hall looking for me. As soon as I walked in the kitchen he hugged me real tight. I knew this was going to be the hardest day of my life and my families life. We had a 2 hour drive to the airport and had to leave the house at 5:30am. The drive was long and everyone was very quiet in the car. Morgan wanted to watch a movie but Aloizs didn't. So we sat in complete silents in the dark. Every time I turned my head to look at him he would turn his head and look at the window. Usually when I would turn to look at him he would smile at me, but this morning was a hard one. When we arrived at the airport he stayed to himself and would pace, especially if I started to tear up. At the gate we had about an hour and a half to wait for his flight. It was total misery. Every time the load speaker would announce the time my eyes would fill up and I would blink them back. Tony said I was making Aloizs nervous. He wouldn't sit beside me or make eye contacted. It was killing me because I only had such a little bit of time to spend with him and he was so distant. When the plane landed at the gate I felt sick to my stomach, and the kids got real still and nobody was talking. The flight rep that was flying with him to Chicago came over and talked with us and that is when it got really bad. I hugged him and he squeezed me tighter than he ever had, we just stood there hugging and I lost it, I couldn't hold it back any longer. I whispered that I loved him and he nodded his head, then I asked him if he loved me and he nodded his head yes, and when he did Mallory said (cause I couldn't see his face because we where still hugging) the tears flooded his face. She said they were dripping off his chin. When I let him go i saw his face was wet and knew he was crying. It really upset all of us, we were all crying then. He hugged the whole family I think 10 times each. and then he held my hand as we waited for his turn to board the plane. He was the very last one to board, he stood there as long as he could. I kissed him on the cheek and wiped his tears and told him I loved him again, while holding his face and made him look at me, he shook his head yes. He then hugged me one more time and took a deep breath, rolled his eyes (in disgust that he had to go) and walked off from me, he didn't turn back, but walked straight to the entrance to the plane. We stood there not moving, all of us just stood there as if it wasn't real and he was going to come back out. But we then walked to the window and watched the plane take off, I felt like I could of died right there. We finally left and the walk back to the car was so hard. We rode home in more silents. When we got home Mallory said now what do we do. Our family didn't know what to do with ourselves. Tony said it feels like a death. We were exhausted from the emotional roll a coaster we have been on. Everything in our house reminds us of this child. We are now miserable in our own home. I went on the social network for Latvia that I set up so I could talk with him when he got back, and I went ahead and left him a message. I wanted him to have a message so he would have one for when he went on the computer. So glad I did because the first thing he did when he got to the orphanage was send me a message, after I copied it in the translator and waited for the delay this is what it said "I also love you" I put a blanket over my head and cried and cried and told Tony I think I am going to die. That is the first time he has said that, other than the one time he mumbled it under his breath one night.
I went straight to our group page for those that have hosted and are adopting from Latvia and reached out for help. I received many comments from lots of friends that I have made on this page, one of them said that when God grafts an adopted child into your heart it is painful, many of them also said it feels like a death, and then one said that it is the grief that drives you to get things done to get them back, and then one said "These kids were in God's hands before you ever knew they existed and knowing them does not change that!"
It is the hardest thing our family has ever done. God is taking us to another level of faith, and we really need your prayers for the journey we have ahead. I hope that all of you will continue on this journey with us. I will continue to blog updates and I hope you all will stay with us. Please continue to pray for our family for we are sure the testing of our Faith and the strength of our family will come in the months ahead. Love you all, Melanie
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