I am not sure why God has called me to be there for Aloizs? Sometimes I feel the task is very heavy and other times I feel honored that God has chosen me to reach out to this most precious boy who lives so far away. Another week has gone by, it is hard to believe he has been gone a week. I thought with a little time it would get easier, but I am finding it is getting harder. My burden for him gets heavier, I have cried more in the last 5 weeks than I think I have in years. Those of you that know me, know I am not a cry baby, when in fact I usually try to be the strong one in the group. I have felt weak through all of this, but now I am starting to see that my tears are not that of weakness but of compassion and love at a new level that I have never been at. A level that I feel is only God given. When you are broken for what Breaks God's heart, it is an experience I can't say that I have ever been at. I love children and feel a great call on my life for all children. But this level is one I have never been at.
So I daily pour into this most loving and hurting child all hours of the day and night, I feel as though I am weak, but this task is not for the weak, but the strong in Christ.
I average about 70 messages a day with Aloizs and many are those to reassure him, to help him through his tears and pain. I get about 4 hours of sleep a night, and spend several hours translating every word he sends me and every word I send him. While in the mean time keeping up with all of my other many responsibilities of ministry and my children. I not in no way patting my self on the back, because I am not able to do anything with out Christ. I felt the need to share my heart, and the reason for my tears. I also have many of you who are pouring into me that I am thankful for your support that I can lean on you for this time in my life.
To share a little about our Aloizs, He has said to me that God has sent me to him, and he loves God. This means so much to me that he recognizes who is in control. And gives God the glory. He continually tells me he loves me in everyone of the many messages a day. He cries and grieves every night and pours out his heart to me. Sometimes I wish more of this would of come out when he was here, so I could hug him. It is so hard to hear how sad and hurt he is and not be able to hug him. So only through translated words do I try to reach out in love to him. He said He feels alone in Latvia, and I told him he is not alone, that Jesus is with him in Latvia and he is not alone on this Earth, because he has us, that love him. It must of made him feel better because he finally went to bed at 11:00pm tonight, first time he has been that early since he has been back.
A week ago while Aloizs was still here during one of my crying closet time melt downs I prayed and asked God why he did this to me? Not that it is about me, but why God brought him to me...The next morning I woke up to read my devotional and the verse said...
Colossians 1:27 CEV ...(Contemporary English Version)
(I had been using this version for translating to Aloizs so it was still on this version.)...
27 "God did this because he wanted you Gentiles to understand his wonderful mystery. And the mystery is that Christ lives in you, and He is your hope of sharing in God's Glory."
So that answered my question, love how God just put that exact scripture to that exact moment. He really is a God of Love. Through all of this, God is saying Jesus lives in us and is our HOPE, for God's Glory and everything he calls us to do should reflect this. My eyes have been opened to a whole new level of Faith in God, If we are obedient to Him with our life and seek Him, He can reveal more of who He is.
So tears of weakness I don't think so, tears of being overwhelmed with God's love and goodness, I think so. I am humbled tonight with God's call. Love you all!
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