Host or not host that is the question? For several weeks we have been praying and trying to decide to host Mitchell for the summer or not. Hosting would mean that we we see him June 27th no matter what. I love that, it's a sure thing:) I have told him we will see him in June with confidence, because I thought well if we are not in Latvia by then I know we can host and we will see him. That has given him hope, something to count down to. It has really helped him for months now. Yesterday, he said mom, tomorrow is May 1, only one more month until we are together. I got a sick feeling in my stomach, let me tell you why...
Two weeks ago I was praying God we need to know what to do about hosting, we have to make a decision by the end of April, but we don't know when we will be in Latvia to bring him home, could be June could be July but who knows. I filled out the hosting application, and now have several emails from New Horizons to complete more paper work for hosting. but I have this uneasy feeling of lack of faith, like it is my back up plan if God don't come through. Ever been there? why are we like that?
So a couple of weeks ago getting our approval from the USCIS didn't look to promising, another adoption family got theirs in 2 1/2 weeks and then I got an email from the agency that said the USCIS is very over worked at the moment and said they will get everyone's approval completed in a 90 day window!!! 90 day window!! needless to say that was not one of my better days. So, here we were needing to decide on hosting and I get an email like that...I prayed God give us a sign in your word you give people signs..if we are to not host let us get our approval the week of April 22. Here it has only been one week we enter into the second week April 25 I decide to call USCIS and check on our approval, and the lady says "Yes you have been approved on April 24th it is in the mail!!" By Saturday April 27th we had out approval letter. We were approved in 1 1/2 weeks!
I am still thinking host or not host, this is still the question,and I remembered my pray of God give me a sign, and it hit me He give me my approval by the "end" of the week!!! But yesterday I told God can I have a second sign?...you give Gideon more than one sign
Why do I still worry, why do I feel sick to my stomach, because hosting is a sure thing, that I will see that child in June. Not hosting, I don't know when I will see that child.
I am a fixer, I like to make things work, I plan, organize, I , I , I. Well this journey has taught me that I don't do anything...I can't do anything...I can't fix anything...BIG lessons for Melanie Bell over this journey...Melanie is not in control:) I know none of you are this way:)
God give me a vision this morning I want to share with you.
This journey right now in my life is this, I am hanging off a cliff, dangling over a pit. Only holding on to a single very thick rope. This entire journey since I first saw Aloizs picture on Facebook I have been holding on to this rope going into this big dark hole where I could not see the end of. God showed me that He is this rope, and that he has been leading me down this hole, giving me a little more rope a little at a time, as I go further and further down. I am not in control, I can't make it go faster or move in anyway. I can only dangle and move further as He allows. I can't let go, He is all I have got to hold onto. Now I am close to the bottom, and Aloizs, my Mitchell is standing at the bottom of this pit, and I can see him reaching up to me. I want to let go of the rope and jump to the side wall of this pit and climb down, because that would be a sure thing to get to him. But that would not be the way. I have to trust God and hold on to him. And as I look at Aloizs and he is reaching up, he was continuing to say "mom, I am ready." like he tells me everyday...mom I am very very ready to come home. In this vision God showed me this...He holds me as I reach for Mitchell...I long for the day that our hands connect, and Mitchell lets go of everything around him, he leaves everything he knows, everything that has been familiar to him for 15 years, in complete trust to grab my hand as I completely trust and hold onto Gods hand. And as we come out of this pit Mitchell lets go of the past and trust me who is trusting God for his future. Seeing the bright light at the end of this tunnel, as we follow and hold onto the light.
I think this was my second sign.
Praising God for this vision that only can come from Him! We serve a loving God that can not only do the impossible but He loves us completely while He does it!!
I looked up the definition for Faith here it is:
faith:
Noun
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Synonyms
COMPLETE TRUST, DID YOU SEE THAT "COMPLETE TRUST"
I encourage you today to completely Trust God with your life.
So the question host of not host...I think not host...Me being real with you guys today, putting myself out there, vulnerable.
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